Pass the Story V1

Walt: Punctuate our work

Original

Once upon a time a girl was walking and tripped on a rock. Then she fell and for some reason she went into animal world! She turned into a alpaca! She doesn’t know how to escape it so she decided to ask for help. But she just saying stuff like “baaaaaaa” because that’s the only thing on her head. “Baaaaa”. She wants to escape so bad that she was like “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”. But then she thought it was cool, she was traveling and making friends with cows! She also loves the smell of the cow dung! It smells like perfume and roses! She ate it and she was like “EW” and spat it out. She got her house and the food was wheat! Then she saw people with ice creams so she decided to go up to them and scare them. They dropped their ice creams, then she ate them she was just yelling out’’BAAA!"So someone can help her but no one heard her.So then she started to cry and cry and cry but then someone heard her so that person ran up to her to see what's going on and the animal went really close to her and the girl freaked out she couldn’t even move because she was so so scared  she even slapped her front face 5 times. When her and her friend stopped yelling they both calmed down and then they stopped.

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Edited version.

Once upon a time a girl was walking and tripped on a rock. Then she fell, and for some reason she went into animal world! She turned into a alpaca! She doesn’t know how to escape it so she decided to ask for help. But she just saying stuff like “baaaaaaa” because that’s the only thing on her head. “Baaaaa”. She wants to escape so bad that she was like “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”. But then she thought it was cool, she was traveling and making friends with cows! She also loves the smell of the cow dung! It smells like perfume and roses! She ate it and she was like “EWW” and spat it out. She got her house and the only food to eat was wheat! Then she saw people with Ice cream, weird? But she decided to go up to them and scare them. They dropped their ice creams, and  she ate them with joy.
After she ate was yelling out something. She needed someone to help her, but no one would because she scared the little kids. She really wanted someone to help her but no one heard her.  She then started to cry and cry and cry. But then someone heard her so that person ran up to her to see what's going on. The animal went really close to her and the girl freaked out she couldn’t even move because she was SO scared. But she got pushed,  Then a portal came out?? It was like the universe, weird. The other animals were pushing them, they were like “NO!”. They were trying to escape, but they weren’t strong enough. They went in the portal and, they were in the universe! They were floating around and for some reason they can breathe? Well, they were floating and they saw earth! Were they were like right on top earth they were not floating anymore! They went to Paris! Wow lucky, am I right?

Now they live in a tropical life. The end.

Task description.
Today Mr. Goodwin told us a game called " Pass the story".   We were told the instructions and it sounded fun. It was fun though, you had to your chrome and the other person next to you continues the story. But what we did. Well we edited our original version, If you try out this game, I bet your story will be disappointing!  That's what we did.